🥳 GOSKILLS TURNS 10: Get 10 days of free access with code 10YEARS

GoSkills
Help Sign up Share
Back to course

Avoid Misdiagnosing Your Body Language

Compact player layout Large player layout

Locked lesson.

Upgrade

  • Lesson aboutAbout
  • Transcript
  • Notes

About this lesson

Learn which areas people often misdiagnose their body language as being wrong when they are actually doing well.

  • 00:05 Warning, you need to be careful of the misdiagnosis.
  • 00:10 What do I mean by that?
  • 00:12 So often, I have clients all over the world, who look at video of themselves,
  • 00:17 they're doing something well, and
  • 00:19 their diagnosis is they've done something really wrong.
  • 00:23 And I'll tell you what those three specifics are.
  • 00:26 But first I need you to think back to those videos you watched of people you
  • 00:31 really admire and like and respect.
  • 00:35 As you may have noticed, and you may have taken notes ideally.
  • 00:38 They move their hands, their heads move.
  • 00:42 Their head isn't staying frozen and stiff, and whether you noticed it or
  • 00:45 not people blink their eyes.
  • 00:49 So here's what I want to point out to you when you're watching your own videos and
  • 00:53 diagnosing yourself.
  • 00:56 I have seen this to be true all over the world.
  • 00:59 It doesn't matter what culture, what language I'm working with, what industry.
  • 01:03 When people watch themselves on video and they see their hands moving
  • 01:09 in a normal way, a very high percentage of people who look at and
  • 01:14 say oh, my God, I look like an idiot!
  • 01:17 I'm moving my hands like crazy!
  • 01:19 Well, I sure I'm glad I saw this video.
  • 01:21 I now know the solution to my problems is to lock my hands down and
  • 01:26 put a staple on the floor.
  • 01:29 No, for
  • 01:30 whatever reason, when we see ourself moving with our hands, it looks weird.
  • 01:36 It looks strange.
  • 01:38 But every time I'm in a situation like that, and I'm working with five,
  • 01:42 six, eight clients, and
  • 01:44 the person is just misdiagnosed themselves as moving their hands too much.
  • 01:49 I'll turn to everyone else in the room and say well what do we think?
  • 01:52 Were John's hands crazy wild out of control?
  • 01:56 Who thinks so?
  • 01:58 And without me prompting, they always say, no he looked comfortable.
  • 02:04 She looked confident.
  • 02:05 Everything was fine.
  • 02:07 So in my experience people see themselves, they don't like their hand motions but
  • 02:12 everyone else in the room thinks it's fine.
  • 02:15 In theory it is of course possible to be wildly moving your hands and
  • 02:21 gesticulating in a distracting way.
  • 02:24 In theory that can happen.
  • 02:26 I've worked with more than 10,000 clients for 30 years in 6 continents.
  • 02:29 I never yet had a client do that.
  • 02:33 You see it on sitcoms, you see it in movies.
  • 02:38 But it's not really a problem in real life, most of the time.
  • 02:44 Can there be exceptions?
  • 02:46 Sure.
  • 02:46 Can honest, fair minded people disagree?
  • 02:50 Sure, some of you might not like my hand movement.
  • 02:53 But the one thing I can tell you is I'm not thinking let me bring my left
  • 02:57 hand up now, let me bring my right hand.
  • 02:59 I'm just talking to you in a natural way.
  • 03:02 This is how I talk whether the camera's on or not.
  • 03:06 So that's the first big area of misdiagnosis a lot of people have.
  • 03:12 The next one I've noticed is the angle of the head.
  • 03:17 Human beings, when they talk, their head moves all over the place.
  • 03:21 Again, if you doubt me, look at the videos of the people you saw you admire.
  • 03:26 For that matter, look at the evening news.
  • 03:28 The 6:00 news or any network news anchor, with the volume off.
  • 03:34 And you will see their head is moving all over the place.
  • 03:36 That's how people talk.
  • 03:39 So for some reason,
  • 03:41 when people see their own heads moving they think I look like an idiot.
  • 03:44 My head's not perfectly straight.
  • 03:47 So they will try to self-correct to make their heads stiff.
  • 03:51 Big mistake.
  • 03:52 That will make you look scared, nervous, uncomfortable.
  • 03:57 And that's going to make your audience feel like you're uncomfortable and
  • 04:01 it's going to make them uncomfortable.
  • 04:03 So it's a very downward spiral.
  • 04:06 Do not try to keep your head perfectly straight.
  • 04:08 Now, every once in a while is it possible that someone keeps their head tilted
  • 04:12 to one side too long?
  • 04:14 Yeah, but the answer is not making it perfectly straight.
  • 04:18 The answer's giving a full range of movement to your head.
  • 04:22 The final body language issue that people often misdiagnose, blinking.
  • 04:27 And they'll see themselves blinking every couple of seconds and they'll think,
  • 04:32 oh my God this is embarrassing.
  • 04:34 I'm horrible, doesn't this look awful, I have to apologize and,
  • 04:39 no, they weren't blinking too often.
  • 04:41 In fact it's really weird if you don't blink.
  • 04:45 If you're looking like this the whole time and
  • 04:47 you never blink that's what looks weird.
  • 04:51 That's what looks strange.
  • 04:52 Now people blink on average every second and a half or so.
  • 04:57 Your eyeball needs that moisture.
  • 04:59 Now some people do blink more often than others.
  • 05:04 And if you're really, really nervous, in theory you could blink faster.
  • 05:07 I have a higher blink rate, than normal.
  • 05:10 I have light sensitive eyes.
  • 05:12 Nothing I can do about it other than wear dark sunglasses.
  • 05:16 And that would look really strange to people, if I am indoors, or for
  • 05:20 that matter, outdoors giving a speech or a media interview wearing sunglasses.
  • 05:24 So in that case, the solution would be worse than the problem.
  • 05:30 I assure you it's not because I'm nervous.
  • 05:32 I couldn't be any more comfortable right now if I were taking a nap.
  • 05:36 But my eyes just blink a little faster.
  • 05:39 Somebody doesn't like it?
  • 05:42 Tough, there's nothing I can do about it.
  • 05:44 So I'm not going to waste time and energy and effort worrying about it or
  • 05:49 thinking let me keep my eyeballs open.
  • 05:52 So when you see a video of yourself,
  • 05:55 if you think you're blinking too often, chances are you're not.
  • 06:00 You need to go back to the video of the people you respect.
  • 06:04 Whether it's politicians, news anchors, business experts or
  • 06:08 celebrities and watch them.
  • 06:11 Their eyes are blinking too.
  • 06:13 So again, critically important to watch yourself on video.
  • 06:17 Give yourself an honest assessment of what's working and what isn't working.
  • 06:21 But don't get tripped up on these three areas.
  • 06:24 My experience shows people do often misdiagnose themselves.

Lesson notes are only available for subscribers.

#1 Tip on Improving Your Body Language Confidence
04m:13s
Make Sure Your Clothes Send the Right Message
06m:03s
Share this lesson and earn rewards

Facebook Twitter LinkedIn WhatsApp Email

Gift this course
Give feedback

How is your GoSkills experience?

I need help

Your feedback has been sent

Thank you

Back to the top

© 2023 GoSkills Ltd. Skills for career advancement